Candy Pie
by CJzilla
Summary: When Chowder's away everyone in the kitchen is feeling his absence. Then an impossible order comes in. Eggs are scrambling and so are the chefs. Even with the help of a southern relative named Candy, its a mad dash to finish on time. Can they pull it off?
1. Missing Chowder and impossible BRBQ!

Sweeeet!

The name's CJzilla and hello to all the fellow happy-go-lucky motherhopers out there! I'm a new face to fanfiction opening up with my next trick: A fanfiction 'bout Chowder!

As I look down on all the tiny buildings at my feet, something's occured to me... I really haven't got the chapter format down. Bear with me here. This is my second fiction and I'm working on the kinks! As I trash this city with my radioactive fire-breath, please, read and review. Sayonara.

AN: I don't own anything that has anything to do with Chowder. I do own Candy, the insanity and your souls!

* * *

It was a normal day at the kitchen. Orders came in at their normal speed for a catering service. Everything was normal except for the fact that Chowder, Chef Mung's protégé was missing from the picture. The little bottomless pit was over at a relative's house, eating them out of house and home. Chowder had become a part of the catering family and his absence was always noticed. 

So now it was Mung, Schnitzel and Truffles manning the kitchen. Because Chowder wasn't in the kitchen to break stuff or eat all the ingredients, all was quiet.

"Without Chowder running around here," the head chef said over his shoulder to Schnitzel as he arbitrarily stirred a pot of chicken stock. "It's sooooooooooo quiet."

The brawny soui chef Schnitzel looked up from zesting lemons and passed a glance at his boss. Chowder was the youngest of the catering team and kinda like a son to Mung. Schnitzel's face creased with a muse, wondering whether or not to shoot a couple of encouraging words to the chef.

"Radda radda radda," the soui chef squeezed out in an unexcited voice.

"I know Chowder will be gone for only a few days Schnitzel," Mung returned still randomly swirling the stock. "But who am I gonna use as an excuse to do something crazy?"

Sighing he went back to mixing the soup. Schnitzel shrugged and went back to his work. Then he heard chef Mung run over to him and then he felt something pulled over his eyes.

"Radda radda radda?!" Schnitzel blurted out.

He fought the chef, trying to pull the cook from off of his head.

"C'mon Schnitz!" Mung protested. "Just wear the hat until Chowder comes back!"

Schnitzel yanked Mung off of his head. The soui chef narrowed his eyes at the head chef, who was holding a purple nit hat in his hands that looked exactly like Chowder's.

"Radda radda r-radda radda radd!" Schnitzel accused.

Mung gasped.

"I am not needy! You will _SO_ wear this hat and you are GONNA LIKE IT!" he snapped.

As the executive chef and his soui battled it out, Truffles came fluttering into the room.

"Okay boys I got a huge order in from-…" she stopped her big green eyes growing larger from behind her thick glasses. "What in the sundae are you two doing?"

Mung was glued to Schnitzel's head while Schnitzel was trying to pry him off with a spatula. They paused their fighting for a second.

"Hey honey," Mung smiled sheepishly. "Schnitzel and I were just… um…"

"Radda radda radda!" Schnitzel tattled pointing at the executive chef.

"Squealer!" chef Mung accused and finally got the hat over Schnitzel's head.

Schnitzel groaned.

"Radda radda," the soui chef moaned as Mung jumped down off of his head.

"Until Chowder gets back, you're gonna have to be the stand in," Mung told him. "So start acting like the little kitten."

Schnitzel rolled his eyes hard and then stuffed a full apple in his mouth. Mung gave him a thumbs up.

"There you go Schnitz!" he cheered.

Truffles floated up to her husband, shaking her head.

"Here," she gave Mung a huge catering order.

Mung adjusted his glasses and began reading the order.

"Holy shrimp!" he jumped in the air. "How much barbecue ribs? Close to a ton in the next forty-eight hours?! Plus appetizers, sides and desserts?!"

The executive chef looked like he was about to faint.

"They feeding a whole flippin' army?!" Mung blurted out to Truffles as he pointed at the order.

Truffles sighed.

"It's a Watchers of Weight convention," she shook her head.

Schnitzel and Mung cringed.

"Radda radda radda rad," Schnitzel voiced.

"Schnitzel's right Truffles!" the head chef exclaimed. "We are only two cooks! We can't fill this order in this short a time! With Chowder gone, we just can't do this!"

"The Watchers of Weight promised pay huge if we deliver the order," Truffles pointed to the money total.

Mung jumped in the air and started to drool.

"We can open up a whole 'nother area to the kitchen with this," he whispered, then snapped out of it. "But still, we'd never make it with the size of the order, time constraint and ofcourse Chowder's gone!"

Truffles placed a hand on her husband's shoulder.

"Honey, I know you're suffering from Chowder being gone," the fairy woman stated. "And so in light of this huge order, I'd like to bring in my niece. You remember Candy?"

Schnitzel cocked a brow. Who was Candy?

"Truffles, darling," Mung put emphasis on "darling". "Are we that desperate?"

Truffles folded her arms and nodded.

"Candy will come in handy," she answered.

"Even with Candy the order will be blandy!" Mung continued on. "My brother's name in Randy and the beach is sandy!"

Truffles and Schnitzel blinked at the chef.

"Sorry, there are just so many words that rhyme with "candy"!" Mung beamed.

"If we are gonna fill this order, we're gonna need Candy's help," Truffles pointed out.

Mung looked at Schnitzel.

"Radda radda rad-radda," the soui chef shrugged.

"Schnitzel's right!" Mung cheered. "It will get my mind off of Chowder being gone! We'll do it! Candy is dandy so grab the phone and give her a call…y… Sorry, that wasn't my bestrhyme."

Truffles smiled and turned back to her desk.

"I'll give my sister Mandy a call to send over dandy Candy so she can lendy a handy," the fairy woman fluttered off rhyming to herself.

Schnitzel slapped his forehead, hearing some of the worst rhymes ever. Mung was paging over the order.

"All right "Schnowder"," Mung voiced, morphing Chowder's name in with Schnitzel's but making Schnitzel roll his eyes. "They want a ton of barbecue ribs, sauce, corn bread, sweetpotato pie, fried okra, creamed spinach, banana cream pie and pound cake. The meat will take the longest to smoke. We need to get that done and go from there. Break!"

With that "Schnowder" and chef Mung darted around the kitchen starting their monstrous dishes.


	2. Southern Candy!

Chapter #2 is a go!

At first, I thought Cartoon Network was playing the never-ending "Keeping up with the Disneys" game, since Chowder debuted conveniently after Disney/Pixar's Ratatouille was introduced. Since then, I've seen only two Chowder episodes and let me tell you, it's nothing like what Disney can shell out.

I have a friend who's a chef so it made me roar with laughter at seeing my friend's working world in a cartoon.

The theme for this fiction came when I watched the Food Network original sereies: _Dinner Impossible_ with Robert Irvine. That guy can throw out a really nice meal with entrees, appeitzers, sides and desserts in the time it takes me to decide what I want to eat. Impressed? I am.

My OC Candy came to me when I was watching Paula Deen, also on Food Network. There's not too many true-blue personalities like hers anymore. I think the chemistry between Schnitzel and Candy will be something to LOL with!

R&R.

* * *

Two hours passed and the two cooks were almost halfway done with prepping the barbecue ribs. Schnitzel and Mung were darting around the kitchen like they'd lost their minds. They didn't notice Truffles flutter into the kitchen with a young lady at her side.

"Honey," Truffles voiced through the commotion. "Candy's here."

But Mung didn't stop.

"Honey!" Truffles blasted louder.

At the sound of her shrill voice, everyone and everything in the kitchen stopped.

"Yes dear?" Mung gave a nervous smile.

"Well, now that I have your attention," Truffles stated. "Candy's here!"

Mung walked over to his wife and the young woman. He peered at the girl carefully.

"Howdy Uncle Mung!" Candy dove into her step-uncle's arms. "How y'all been?"

"Holy Chalets!" Mung exclaimed, hands far away from the girl. "Is this little Candy?!"

She gave a loud southern laugh.

"Still as loony as white pants after Labor Day uncle Mung," Candy giggled.

The young woman was about as tall as Chef was, had cotton candy pink hair that swirled up into a simple bun. She wore a cotton candy blue short shorts that matched her blue eyes and a T-shirt with a lollypop insignia on her chest.

Mung looked mortified.

"It's been ten years since we saw Candy last Mung," Truffles folded her arms and narrowed her eyes.

Mung looked even more mortified.

"You said "ten years"?" Mung's eyes were wide. "Ten years?!"

Truffles nodded.

"Makes you feel old don't it?" Truffles smirked.

Mung looked even more mortified than he did a second ago.

"Well despite the fact that I'm feeling as old as dirt, I'm glad you're here Candy!" Mung smiled at his step-niece.

"Heard y'all had a cookin' emergency and I'm here to lend a lil' ol' hand," Candy beamed.

"Good," Mung gave another toothy smile. "Go wash up, throw on an apron and then report back to me. I'll get you rolling on what you gotta do."

Mung pointed over to a sink and an apron rack next to Schnitzel.

"Gotcha," Candy saluted and walked over to the sink to wash her hands.

Schnitzel was busy rubbing more of a homemade dry rub onto the uncooked barbecue ribs. They had to sit with this rub for half an hour before he threw them into the oven to cook low and slow.

Schnitzel whipped his brow. A quarter of a ton down and three quarters more to go.

"Hey there," Schnitzel hear someone say in a thick southern accent.

The soui cook looked up, glancing to his left and to his right.

"Down here," he felt a tap on his arm.

Schnitzel craned around then looked down. There was a young woman with big blue eyes and swirling pink hair with a huge smile on her face. His first assumption was that she was a customer that had wandered into the kitchen but on second glance, the girl had an apron on.

"You're a big guy ain't cha?" she commented glancing from Schnitzel's toes to the top of his head.

The soui chef cocked a brow at the young lady.

"What kinda spices y'all usin' for those ribs?" the girl asked darting around him to the bucket of dry rub.

Schnitzel glanced over his shoulder, wondering where her owners were. Mung and Truffles were no where in sight. The soui chef grumbled under his breath. He was not a social or babysitting type. He was just learning how to tolerate Chowder.

Then Schnitzel saw the girl lick her pinkie and dip into the vat of spices.

"Radda!" he barked.

The young woman blinked innocently at him as she passed her finger into her mouth.

"Radda radda," Schnitzel mumbled, shutting his eyes hard.

He opened an eye to the girl giving him a funny look.

"What did y'all just say?" she asked with an entertained smile.

"Radda radda radda r-radda," Schnitzel clarified his eyes so narrowed at her that he looked like he'd popped a lemon in his mouth.

His eyes went to the vat of spices then to the young woman. She gave a loud southern laugh.

"Y'all remind me of my granddad!" she laughed. "Loved the man but couldn't understand half the things he was sayin'!"

Schnitzel rolled his eyes. He just told her not to dip her fingers into the food, but since she couldn't understand him she didn't get the part about not picking at the ingredients.

"Good rub honey," her voice brought Schnitzel back to reality, and then she smacked her lips. "But not great. It ain't spicy enough and it's kinda "blah". Try throwin' in mo' pepper anda lil' citrus salt for an extra zing!"

Schnitzel cocked a curious brow at her. He'd followed Mung's recipe and didn't bother tasting it. Maybe the rub was bland. Whipping his hands off on a cloth Schnitzel dipped his finger into the bucket of dry rub and brought it to his mouth.

It tasted like old cabinet spices with sawdust after-taste.

Schnitzel didn't allow his disappointment to surface on his face. He merely glanced at the girl. She was still smiling brightly but now she didn't see as clueless as Schnitzel first thought.

"Radda," Schnitzel stated, pointing at her and then the floor, making it clear he wanted her to stay put.

The young woman giggled.

"Gotcha big boy," she gave the "okay" expression with her fingers.

She gave a big friendly smile at him and planted her heels firmly on the floor. Doing little more than narrowing his eyes at her, Schnitzel walked off to find Mung.

Mung and Truffles were going over the Watchers of Weight's order again. They had to make sure about the scheduling. From what they could tell, they'd eek by the time restraint with not a second to lose.

"So you're clear then?" Truffles asked her husband. "You guys can't fool around too much in there."

Mung swatted the air.

"Don't worry my dear," he swatted the air. "We'll deliver like we always do. And then we'll open up another segment to the kitchen. I'm thinking a T.V. room with a ball pen."

Just then Schnitzel walked into the hosting area.

"What's up Schowder?" Mung asked the soui chef.

"Radda," Schnitzel held up a finger. "Radda radda radda radda."

Truffles looked at Mung.

"You named him "Schnowder"?" she crinkled her nose.

Mung gave a proud nod.

"Radda radda radda radda," Schnitzel held up another finger and then threw his thumb over his shoulder.

"What'd ya mean my barbecue rub is so boring it almost put you to sleep?" Mung flailed his arms in the air, now very offended.

"Radda radda," Schnitzel shrugged.

Mung cocked a brow.

"I gotta see this for myself," the executive chef marched into the kitchen with Schnitzel on his tail.

When they entered the room, the girl had left her spot where Schnitzel told her to stay. She was running around throwing spices into the dry rub vat.

"Holy Mackerel!" Mung blurted out darting over to her. "What are you-?!"

Schnitzel gave a groan. He knew he should have taken her out of the kitchen.

"Radda rad," he mumbled and walked over to the Mung and girl.

The girl stopped her running around once Mung ran up to her

"Don't mess with the spices!" he blurted out.

The young woman grinned.

"Just try it," she coaxed. "Please?"

Mung glanced between her and the spices. He dipped a finger in and tasted the southern goodness.

"Wow," Mung pulled his finger out of his mouth making a loud pop. "That is good."

"No offense uncle," the girl held up her hands. "But I've tasted chalk dust that was more excitin' than that rub."

Mung gasped.

"How'd you know chalk dust was the secret ingredient?!" he exclaimed.

The girl blinked.

"Never mind," Mung changed the subject. "Good job. But don't do it again! We run a tight ship around here! If anyone's gonna do any independent shenanigans, it's gonna be me! Because I am executive chef and I can do stuff like that."

Mung stuck his nose in the air. The girl giggled and saluted.

"Yes sir, Mista Boss sir!" she voiced.

Mung nodded.

"Candy, welcome to the team!" he cheered. "We have less than forty-eight hours to do ribs, sauce, fired okra, creamed spinach, corn bread, sweet potato pie, banana cream pie and poundcake. But before we get into that, how in the heck did you get here so fast?! You live like a bazillion miles away!"

The girl, whom Schnitzel just realized was Truffles' niece Candy, gave an awkward smile.

"Ma's in town for the Watcher of Weight convention," she explained. "I came 'cause she told me to. The convention's just across town. Ma actually suggested that y'all do theconvention cookin'."

Schnitzel saw Mung cringe.

"And how's your mother by the way?" he asked, his mustache straight as a board.

"She's peachy thanks fo' askin'!" Candy cheered. "She's lookin' forward to seein' y'all!"

Mung sagged his shoulders.

"I can hardly wait," he put on a smile but he was clearly sarcastic. "Now Candy, what's your specialty?"

Candy giggled.

"I handle the ribs back home uncle Mung," she answered. "But I make a mean sauce!"

Mung nodded.

"Ribs need to cook low and slow," he pointed. "Candy, help Schnowder with getting the rub on the meat. Then we'll talk about the sauce. Break!"

Candy laughed, then looked at Schnitzel as the executive chef darted to the ovens.

"Hey Schnowder, I'm Candy," she stretched out her hand in a shake. "A pleasure to meet you!"

Schnitzel could hurt Mung for introducing him as "Schnowder". Now he was marked. Schnitzel looked at Candy's hand then back into her blue eyes.

"Radda," he said blandly taking her hand in a shake, almost rolling his eyes.

* * *

R&R. 


	3. Too Many Cooks in the Kitchen

Chapter numero 3!

Love the reviews mah peoples! Keep on sending me what you think! Flames or fluffies, I don't care! In Chap. 3, CJzilla promises insanity along with satanic flour jars, flying Mung and grapefruit juice talor made from the unique humor that only CJzilla had dish out! Though, this chapter may be a little long...

As I stomp flat yet another unnamed village of screaming people and battle it out with my fellow Fanfiction monsters, alls I have to growl is this: R&R. Enjoy you motherhopers!

* * *

Schnitzel glanced up at Candy for the bazillionth time. The soui chef wasn't too enthralled about having to share his working station with the young lady. All ready the ingredients were getting unorganized, the barbecue rub was all over the countertop and Candy's apron was a mess.

But that wasn't why Schnitzel kept glancing up. The young woman was messy, unsystematic and… very skilled at what she was doing. Schnitzel was taking mental notes, but was careful not to let Candy know what he was doing.

"Hey, I ran outta pepper, can I-" Candy began reaching over the counter to Schnitzel's bottle of pepper.

As she was reaching over, her hand hit a container full of orange juice that was for the barbecue sauce. The container dumped all over Schnitzel's side of the counter, the ribs he was prepping and sprayed all over his apron.

"Rad!" Schnitzel jumped away from the counter, the juice soaking his apron and arms.

"Oh, I'm so sorry darlin'!" Candy gasped.

The southern cook ran around the counter.

"Here, lemme-" Candy grabbed a towel off of the counter to help clean him up, not knowing a jar of flour was sitting on top of it.

Schnitzel saw the flour jar on the towel, but the southern girl's arm yanked out the cloth faster than he could warn her. The flour jar jetted off of the counter and flew sky high. Time slowed down as the two cooks saw the jar turn over, its lid pop off and the wave of white flour coming Schnitzel's way. Schnitzel had just enough time to shut his eyes as flour blanketed him.

"Radda!" the soui chef blurted out, his face and body caked in flour.

Candy saw the flour jar fall from the heavens but Schnitzel didn't. The jar fell on Schnitzel's head and stuck like glue. Blinded, sticky, flour-coated and with a jar wedged onto his head, Schnitzel lost his balance.

Candy watched in shock as the chef went tumbling around the kitchen. Schnitzel then crashed into a rack of cooking pots, knocking the cookware to the floor. Trying to retake his balance, the soui chef stepped into one of the pots, getting his foot stuck. Trying to get the jar off of his head and shaking his foot that was in the pot, Schnitzel was something to see.

"What in the world is going on in here?!" Chef Mung came running into the kitchen.

Then the executive chef's eyes came to Schnitzel.

"Schnitzel!" Mung scolded. "No crazy dances in the kitchen without me!"

Mung marched closer to his soui chef as Schnitzel was prying the pot off of his foot.

"Honestly Schnitzel!" the head chef exclaimed. "This is no time-"

At that moment Schnitzel unstuck the cookware from his foot. And the cast iron pot rocketed across the room and beaned Mung in the face. The impact sent him flying into the hosting area. Truffles just managed to dodge her flying husband as she came into the kitchen.

"Holy Stromboli!" Truffles hit the dirt as Mung flew through the air. "What in the name of the Four Cheeses is going on?!"

Her eyes then came to Candy and Schnitzel. The southern girl had her feet planted on Schnitzel's shoulder and giving a jar stuck to her fellow cook's head a huge pull.

"Aunty! Help!" Candy called to Truffles.

Truffles flew to her niece's side, grabbing a spatula from a nearby counter. Shoving the utensil between Schnitzel's head and the jar, Truffles tried to pry the jar from the soui chef's head. The hostess pulled with all her might. The spatula moaned and groaned but did nothing to unstick the jar. The utensil gave and sent Truffles flying. The hostess smacked a wall that the kitchen's knifes hung on. The knives were catapulted to the hosting area, in the same direction Mung had flown.

Chaos, pure and utter chaos. But Schnitzel had Candy's attention.

The soui chef clasped the jar and tried to pull it off of his head.

"Don't worry Schnowder," Candy voiced. "I'll get somethin' to get that off with!"

With that the southern young lady ran off. Half a second later, she was back with a meat tenderizing mallet.

"Hold on hon'!" Candy stated and pulled back her arm, bent on breaking the glass jar off of the cook's head.

In that second, Schnitzel got the jar off of his head. He took a breath, only to see Candy's arm pulled back with a meat tenderizer in her hand.

"Ra-!" Schnitzel cried out.

Too late. Candy had all ready shut her eyes as she brought the mallet down over Schnitzel's head. He saw stars.

Twenty minuets later… The two cooks were back at their stations and back to work, having cleaned up the mess they made. Schnitzel had hosed off, the pots were rearranged and Mung was scraped off of the street, outside. Actually some angry motorist carried Mung back into the kitchen. The driver wasn't too thrilled about the executive chef flying out of the kitchen, breaking his passenger side window and landing into his lap as he passed by the catering business. That's not even saying anything about the many knives that flew out the building's door and shishcabobing his car's left side.

After a long time Candy looked up. She noted a considerable whelp that had grown on Schnitzel's forehead where she'd hit him with the meat tenderizer. He was pounding the rub into the meat with an angry look on his face. The southern girl knew Schnitzel would be furious after getting drenched in OJ, flour and than hit over the head with a cooking mallet. Candy gulped.

Schnitzel was fit to be tied. He got sprayed with orange juice, covered in flour, a jar crammed on his head and a pot stuck to his foot. Let's not forget getting hit on the head with a metal meat tenderizer. And it was all at Candy's doing!

Schnitzel snorted. He looked up, meeting Candy's eyes for a quick second. The southern cook immediately dropped her eyes back down to the rack of ribs she was prepping. Schnitzel frowned at her. This was a bad omen to the rest of her time in the kitchen.

"I-…," Candy began nervously, her eyes still on her ribs. "I'm really, really sorry darlin'."

A crease of annoyance formed on Schnitzel's mouth.

"I can be a bit clumsy at times," Candy added sheepishly, giving a nervous chuckle as she looked up at him.

She found Schnitzel's eyes in a tight, tight squint.

"I promise I'll be more careful dumplin'," Candy dropped her eyes back down to her work.

Schnitzel could see she was really sorry and it gave him a little twinge of guilt to let the silence go on. He sighed and reached for his pepper.

"Radda ra," Schnitzel mumbled, holding out his pepper to Candy.

Candy looked up and saw the pepper shaker hovering in front of her. The southern girl lit up.

"Thanks darlin'," she beamed grabbing the pepper from Schnitzel's hand.

Her big smile made a tiny, tiny grin form on Schnitzel's face. The soui chef went back to work.

"This is your first time with barbecue isn't hon'?" Candy voiced.

Schnitzel glanced up, but he found Candy right at his side.

"Look darlin'," the young lady reached over to the rack of ribs Schnitzel was working on. "You're using too little."

She shoveled on two huge palm-fulls of the rub onto the ribs.

"Y'all gotta pack it on like its going outta style," Candy stated, pressing the rub deeply into the meat. "Since we don't have a week to marinate the meat so it gets all of that wonderful flavorin', ya gotta pack it on. Because most of the rub's flavor will cook out as soon as it hits the ovens. Y'all pack it in and we won't have that problem."

Candy looked up at Schnitzel as soon as she finished.

"Put a little love into the food Schnowder hon'," Candy smirked, nudging Schnitzel in the stomach. "And it'll taste like a lil' slice o' heaven. Well, love, sugar and a whole lotta butter!Ma says butter makes everythin' better! An' baby, I believe 'er!"

She gave a loud southern laugh as she walked back to her side of the counter. Schnitzel wasn't about to let Candy know he was learning. But, making sure she wasn't looking, Schnitzel used an extra scoop of rub on his ribs.

"Now, I'm doin' an ol' family recipe for what we call "Hot Potato Ribs"," Candy added. "We call it "Hot Potato Ribs" because sometimes relatives just drop by our house with bibs,forks and empty stomachs. An' we need ta throw out some food lickity split!"

Schnitzel watched her ramble on about her family, random facts about where she was from and how butter and grease make everything taste better. The soui chef was more accustomed to working with foods that take all of your mouth to pronounce. Candy had more of a cozy comfort feeling to her food, like that friendly neighbor who'd bring over dishes for no real reason.

She was talking so much that Schnitzel was able to tune her out. But then the soui chef started to smell something burning. Schnitzel had been too busy ignoring Candy and working on prepping the ribs that he forgot to check on Mung! And when Schnitzel looked up…

"Radda!" his eyes bugged.

Thick, black smoke filled the kitchen and hung two feet off of the ceiling!

"Honey, sugar an' ice tea!" Candy blurted out.

Schnitzel made a B-line for the ovens. He was less relieved and more concerned when he saw Chef Mung standing in front of the oven smoking just like a train. The executive chef's head was still a little fuzzy after getting hit in the face with an iron pot. Mung stood there in front of the oven, a ice bag on his forehead, knocked up look on his face.

"Radda radda rad?!" Schnitzel threw his arms in the air.

Mung's forehead furrowed in concentration as he starred into the glass window of the oven.

"Don't worry about it Schnitzel," Mung waved his hand but didn't look up from the oven. "These ribs are almost done!"

Schnitzel's eyes went wide as he saw the inside of the oven burst into flames.

"Radda radda radda!" Schnitzel flailed his arms in the air.

"On fire?" Mung looked over to his soui chef like he'd just slapped himself in the face. "Are you crazy or just plain insane?! They only need five more minuets."

Mung folded his arms defiantly.

Schnitzel watched in horror as the fire inside the oven grew. Tackling the executive chef, Schnitzel shoved Mung out of the way just as the oven blew. Like a cooking appliance that a dragon would envy, the oven did a Mount Vesuvius impression, spewing molten hot barbecue ribs everywhere. Just in the nick of time, Truffles and Candy broke out a fire extinguisher and snuffed out the oven. But things were far from quiet.

In the inferno melee, Schnitzel's Chowder hat was lit on fire. The soui chef was running around in a circle, screaming.

"I got it!" Mung cheered heroically as he grabbed a pitcher full of liquid.

The head chef had great aim as he threw the liquid on Schnitzel. The fire was put out but Schnitzel was still screaming.

"RADDA RADDA RAAAAA!" Schnitzel cried in pain as he dropping to his knees.

"What?!" Truffles repeated. "You're eyes are on fire?"

The kitchen hostess shot her eyes right to Mung.

"What did you throw on him Mung?!" Truffles barked.

Mung blinked for a second then ran his tongue on the inside of his pitcher.

"Oh Crepes!" the executive chef cried to the heavens. "I hope you're happy Schnitzel! You made me dump my fresh grapefruit juice all over you!"

Candy and Truffles' eyes were wide.

"Grapefruit juice?!" Truffles gawked.

The high acidy juice would sting like crazy if you got it in your eyes. And Schnitzel had a whole pitcher full of the stuff dumped on him.

"Actually it was a pitcher full of chili powder, grapefruit juice, lemon juice and mustard powder," Mung answered. "Makes a great degreaser!"

Truffles slapped her forehead.

"Oh!" Candy sympathized running to Schnitzel's side. "C'mon dumplin'. Let's get you cleaned up."

As Candy helped whimpering Schnitzel to his feet, she walked him over to the sinks to rinse out his eyes.

"That was perfectly good degreaser you big _BABY_!" Mung shouted after Schnitzel.

"Is there a bigger idiot in the world than you?" Truffles mumbled to her husband as she took off her glasses to rub her eyes.

Mung giggled and blushed.

"Let's not flirt in front of the faculty puddin'," the head chef grinned.

Truffles gave her husband a long, hard look.

"Oy Yaki Soba…" the bookkeeper turned and fluttered over to Schnitzel and Candy.

Candy had the faucet in one hand and the other sympathetically on Schnitzel's shoulder.

"That must smart like somthin' fierce," Candy cringed as she watched Schnitzel blink, letting the water rinse out his eyes. "An' your cute lil' hat was crisperfried."

The hat being destroyed made up for being on fire and the stinging eyes. Schnitzel managed a small victorious smile.

"Sorry about your eyes Schnitzel dear," he heard Truffles next to him. "But Mung's just toasted a huge amount of food. I'm sending you two to the store to get more."

"Radda radda ra?" Schnitzel asked whipping his eyes with a kitchen towel.

"Mung and I are going to stay here and hopefully make up for lost time," Truffles clarified. "I'll keep an eye on the one-hit-wonder and make sure he doesn't mess up again."

Schnitzel dropped the towel and heard both Candy and Truffles gasp. Schnitzel frowned.

"You might want to put on a pair of sunglasses, so you don't frighten small children," Truffles suggested. "And so the store doesn't think you're stealing two tomatoes on your eyeballs."

* * *

R&R 


	4. Shopping for Trouble

Oh yeah! Launching chapter 4! (CJzilla makes rocket ship noises) I got some reviews encouraging CJzilla to have my OC Candy meet up with Ms. Endive. I'm gonna be honest and tell you all that... I had planned it from day one! (CJzilla looks scared) Am I really that predictable?

In this chapter you will experience the following recipe: Take two totally different cooks, fold into a food rush, add a palm-full of awkward attraction, a heaping ton of craziness, shovel in some screaming, pour in random humor, dump in a wheel-barrel full of running, throw in eighteen sticks of sweetened southern sass, one very angry Endive and incorporate until lumpy. Throw into Fanfiction Land until golden brown.

And that's how you make Candy Pie! It's an old CJzilla family recipe! Rockin'!

Blowing down tall buildings with nothing but a swipe of my mighty tail, alls CJzilla has to roar is this: R&R! YOU MOTHERHOPERS!

* * *

Schnitzel and Candy had to high-tail it to the Marzipan market to do some speed shopping. They still had to get back and help Mung and Truffles with the rest of the gi-normous order. Candy was being practically hauled by Schnitzel by her hand to the market. In a short while Schnitzel and Candy stopped in the middle of the Marzipan market.

"Golly hon'," Candy remarked as Schnitzel finally came to a stop and let go of her hand. "You should look into long distance runnin'."

Between puffs of air Schnitzel retrieved the shopping list from his apron pocket and walked to the nearest vender. Candy followed.

"Well hey there Schnitzel! Love the sunglasses," a portly mammoth with a golden trunk-ring greeted the soui chef from behind his food stand. "What can I do ya for?"

Schnitzel was still gasping for air as he presented the vender his list. The hairy elephant took a look at the list.

"Gotcha Schnitz," the vender turned to his many fruit and veggie crates.

Candy walked to Schnitzel's side and glanced at the many produce. The soui chef glanced at the southern cook. Candy caught this and flashed Schnitzel a big smile.

"Well hey, hey Schnitzel," the mammoth vender turned back around with lot of produce in his hands. "Who's your lady friend?"

By his tone, the vender was suggesting that the two cooks were a couple. Schnitzel's mouth flapped open like a gasping fish.

"Howdy!" Candy greeted. "I'm Candy!"

"Hey there Candy, I'm Gazpacho," the fuzzy elephant replied. "You here with Schnitzel?"

Candy nodded.

"Me an' the big boy are shoppin' for Chef Mung," the southern cook chirped.

"Is that so?" Gazpacho glanced at frozen Schnitzel. "Well, any friend of Mung's is a friend of mine!"

The vender bagged the fruits and veggies that they ordered. With a curt nod, Schnitzel grabbed Candy by the hand and rushed off to get the next item on the list: meat. But as soon as they got to the butcher shop, they found a long, long line.

"Radda rad," Schnitzel groaned, slapping his forehead.

Watching Schnitzel slap his forehead then glance at his watch, Candy got the hint that they were really pressed for time. The southern cook glanced around them for a second.

"Hang on hon'," Candy told Schnitzel. "I gotta plan to get us in there quicker!"

And the southern cook darted off.

"Oh Radda," Schnitzel growled.

Now he had to do all the shopping, find the girl and get back to the kitchen! Just then Candy zipped back to his side holding a blond wig and in a tight rhinestone dress.

"Now, whatever happens, y'all keep in line," the southern girl stated drawing a birthmark above her lip with a marker. "All right darlin'?"

Schnitzel glanced at her dress, birthmark and then the wig in her hands.

"Radda ra?" the soui chef blinked.

Candy smiled and winked at him. Then she threw on the wig and paraded out into the street. Schnitzel watched in confusion as Candy cleared her throat, straightened the front of her dress and…

"Oh my!" even for a southern girl, Candy poured on a louder and thicker southern accent. "What a cute lil' ol' eatin' establishment! I think I'll traipse on inside and sample their wares!"

One of the people in line looked in Candy's direction.

"IEEEEE!" the fan-guy squealed in a girly voice. "It's Dolly Spartan!!"

All the other customers craned around.

People squealed and left their place in line to run after who they thought was the famous country-rock singer Dolly Spartan. Candy's eyes went wide as she saw the building empty of people and race to her. The southern cook let out a scream and ran for it. In a flash of a couple of seconds, the butcher shop was empty and Candy raced off into the distance with a wave of people chasing her.

"Radda," Schnitzel awed at the southern cook's genius as he walked unhindered into the butcher shop.

After getting all the meat the kitchen needed, Schnitzel had to make one more stop to get everything on the list. He had to stop at a specialty market to get some of the more harder to find foods. Paging through the exotic fruits and veggies, the soui chef couldn't help but wonder if Candy was caught by all those screaming Dolly Spartan fans. If and when they did catch Candy, Schnitzel gulped at the thought of her getting ripped apart.

Just then he heard the door of the store burst open then slam shut. Schnitzel whipped his head around. There was a panting Candy, her disguise still on but her dress ripped at the thighs.

"Can I help-?" a friendly store clerk walked up to Candy as she held the door shut.

Candy whipped of her Dolly Spartan disguise and threw it on the clerk. Before the male clerk could do anything else, he was shoved out the door by the southern cook. The screams of the Dolly Spartan fans outside were heard and then a shriek from the clerk. The screams faded into the distance as the clerk undoubtedly booked it for his life.

Candy stood and breathed a breath of relief. She survived! Candy glanced around before she saw Schnitzel in the fruit section.

"Who knew there were so many blood-thirsty Dolly Spartan fans in this town?!" Candy barked at Schnitzel. "I barely escaped with my life!"

Schnitzel gave her an angry glare.

"Radda radda r-radda," Schnitzel said slowly and angrily, wagging his finger at her for doing something so stupid.

Schnitzel placed his hands on his hips and waited for Candy's rebuttal. The southern cook merely blinked.

"Okay," Candy drawled. "I don't know whatcha just said darlin' but you're welcome!"

Schnitzel starred at her as Candy smiled brightly at him. He sighed.

"Radda," he relented.

He turned back around to the produce, shaking his head.

"All righty then, what can I do?" Candy asked over Schnitzel's shoulder.

Stay in one place and no more impersonations. Then Schnitzel felt Candy's hand go into his pocket and fish around for the shopping list.

"R-ra!" he spun around.

Candy all ready had the list in her hands and was reading it hungrily.

"All right sugar," the southern cook handed Schnitzel back the list. "I'll get the cayenne and the rest of the spices."

And Candy skipped off like she hadn't been hungrily chased by a fan-mob. Schnitzel sighed again. What an air-head! The soui chef went back to getting his shopping done.

Five minuets ticked by and Schnitzel finished with his portion of the shopping. He looked up and glanced around for Candy. Just as he did, another customer walked into the store.

It was none other than Ms. Endive, Mung Daal's stuck-up, big-nosed catering rival.

"Radda," Schnitzel narrowed his eyes.

His poisonous glare was meant to kill Endive, but since she was all ready so nasty, nothing happened. As her haughty eyes passed over the store, she caught sight of Schnitzel. A venom smile formed on her face as she made her way over to him. Clicking his tongue in annoyance and sighed.

"Well, if it isn't Mung Daal's partner in grime," Ms. Endive commented, her hands on her large hips. "Mung sent you shopping for quality ingredients to try to make his slop legitimate?"

Schnitzel rolled his eyes and made an effort to sidestep the mouthy chef. Endive stepped with him.

"Well he may utilize the finest ingredients, but Mung's food will still remain shoddy and disgusting," the stuck-up chef stated.

Schnitzel just narrowed his eyes and made another effort to sidestep Endive. But he was stopped again, this time by Ms. Endive's little apprentice Panini.

"Hi Mister Guy who works with Chowder!" the pink girl love-struck kitten rattled off. "Where's Chowder? Is he with you?!"

The soui chef wondered how Panini could stay so untainted by Endive's nastiness. Schnitzel sighed and again tried to sidestep the mean chef. But he was cut off again, this time by Candy.

"Hey Schnowder, who y'all talkin' to?" the southern cook chimed with arm-fulls of spices.

Then Candy's eyes came to Panini.

"Oh!" the southern cook squealed. "Aren't y'all so stinkin' cute!"

Panini giggled

"Hi, I'm Panini!" the pink kitten beamed.

"Panini dear, please do not address riff raff, especially Mung's riff raff," Ms. Endive instructed to her pupil after giving Schnitzel and Candy a cold glare.

Endive gave Candy a cold, nasty glare after noting that she was wearing a Mung Daal Catering apron.

"I see Mung is broadening his faculty to embrace all bottom corners of the culinary roster," Endive snorted.

Schnitzel hoped Candy wouldn't take the bait.

"Excuse me?" the southern cook bit it, hook, line and sinker.

"I must point out young lady that if you wish to become a great cook," Ms. Endive returned, "that Mung Daal will only stunt your culinary growth."

Candy got a stubborn look on her face.

"Mung is a great chef!" the southern cook retorted.

"A "great chef"? Ha!" Endive commented. "Mr. Daal is neither great nor a chef. His food is a disgrace as his cooking is sloppy."

""Sloppy"?" Candy repeated. "I'll tell y'all what's sloppy, your taste palate! I bet y'all wouldn't know good food even if it was rollin' around in your _giant_ mouth!"

Ms. Endive's eyes glossed over.

"I never eat anything that's not good," she replied.

"Well you obviously eat nothin' but nasty!" Candy returned, nose in the air.

Schnitzel noted that Endive's seemingly impenetrable defenses cracked because a frown formed on her face.

"Do you even know who I am?" Ms. Endive barked. "I am Ms. Endive of the Ms. Endive's Tasteful Foods."

"So it's a complete fantasy," Candy retorted. "'Cause I see nothin' tasteful 'bout y'all personality."

"Why you impertinent little-!" Endive was losing her composure. "You wouldn't know tasteful food even if it was right in front of you!"

"Yes I do, therein why I haven't eaten yours!" Candy replied.

That's when Endive was starting to lose her temper.

"Y'all seem tense Endive," Candy got an unusually evil look on her face. "Maybe y'all should be cuttin' back on your own cookin'."

And Endive lost it. She was so seething mad, she looked like she popped a synapse. Schnitzel didn't like the look on Endive's face.

"Radda," Schnitzel picked Candy up with his free arm and made a hasty speed walk to the check-out.

"Your cookin' don't make any sense an' so's your face!" Candy jeered to Endive as she was being hauled through the store by Schnitzel.

That's when Schnitzel saw the first slomato fly through the air.

"Radda!" the soui chef ducked behind some store shelves as Endive tossed slomatos at them.

"That dirty sausage!" Candy hissed. "I'll teach 'er to toss food!"

The stubborn southern cook tried to crawl out into the line of fire. Schnitzel grabbed her foot.

"Radda radda radda!" he barked at her.

They had to get back and finish the order.

"Just one lil' slomato!" Candy pleaded.

Schnitzel shot her such a nasty glare that Candy immediately changed her mind. As food poured down from the sky, Candy and Schnitzel bought groceries. They had the door in sight.

"Here's one from the south you big soufflé butt!" Candy grabbed a slomato from their groceries and hurled it.

Her aim was right on. SPLAT! It his Endive square on the forehead. The soggy slomato covered her eyes and hair.

"_HA_!" Candy laughed at Endive. "That's a heapin' helpin' of shame, HOT OFF THE GRILL _ENDIVE_!"

Schnitzel grabbed Candy and darted out the door. Out of the store, they were safe. Schnitzel let go of Candy.

"Y'all see the way I beat that dragon lady at her own game!" the southern cook grinned and snapped her fingers. "She'll think twice before she insults uncle Mung again!"

Schnitzel hoped the rest of the way back the kitchen would be quiet.

"THERE SHE IS!" came a loud voice.

Both Candy and Schnitzel whipped their heads around. There stood the store unwilling clerk that Candy had commissioned to be Dolly Spartan. The dress he was wearing was torn worse, wig all akimbo and looking like he'd been chewed on. But he and the crown of disappointed fans behind him looked very, very, very angry.

Things looked like they could not get any worse until…

"NO ONE DISGRACES MS. ENDIVE AND GETS AWAY _ALIVE_!" Ms. Endive flew out of the store with a wild look on her face and a dozen soggy slomatos in her grasp.

Schnitzel and Candy's eyes widened.

"GET 'EM!" the Dolly Spartan clerk screamed pointing at the two cooks.

Candy and Schnitzel screamed and started running for their lives. Both cooks were hauling carcass with a crowd of rampaging Dolly Spartan fans, a beat up store clerk and one very, very angry Endive.

* * *

CJzilla's P.S.:

Dolly Spartan is a spin off of a famous country singer. The reason I went with "Spartan" instead of something closer to home like "Pardon" is simple... I'M A MOTHERHOPIN' HALO FAN!... Whew! And had I offened anyone with the "Dolly Spartan" thingie, I apologize. But then again, monsters trashing cities are not known for being polite...

R&R!


	5. Rushin' a Food Fight!

Hola Fanfiction Land Motherhopers! Welcome to another reason why I should never eat jelly beans and drink the Halo 3 Mountain Dew before watching "Chowder"! Like it's a bad thing!

Now in this newest installment of "Candy Pie" you will find an angry mob, a squirt bottle, crazy bananas, one sauce-covered Schnitzel and a queasy Candy.

As I crash through a radio-active power plant and feast on it's glorious toxins, alls CJzilla has to roar is this: R&R YOU CRAZY MOTHERHOPERS! Flame and/or fluff... you know the drill.

* * *

Back at Mung Daal's Catering, Truffles and Chef Mung were feverishly working on the tall barbecue order. It was around eight in the evening and half of the ribs were done.

It was an odd sight to see Truffles cooking, but desperate times for desperate measures. The hostess was prepping the okra for frying and the sweet potatoes for the sweet potato pie. Mung was still in front of the ovens but broke up his time between the spinach and pie crusts.

"Where are those two?" Mung snarled, sweating in front of the ovens as he shoveled in more ribs. "They left over an two hours ago!"

As if a magical answer to his question, the executive chef and the hostess heard the door open and slam shut.

"Radda radda!" they heard Schnitzel hurry on a strain.

"Hold it hon'!" Candy's voice was heard. "I'm lockin' the door!"

Truffles and Mung heard the front door to the kitchen lock.

"SCHNITZEL! CANDY! GET IN HERE NOW!" Mung yelled.

Schnitzel and Candy zipped into the kitchen, both out of breath. When he saw that, Mung raised an eyebrow.

"What happened?" the head chef was less angry now but very curious.

Candy opened her mouth but Schnitzel beat her to the punch.

"Radda radda radda radda radda!" the soui chef rattled off quickly. "Radda radda radda!"

The southern cook had no idea what Schnitzel was saying but he kept motioning to her as he went on expressively.

"Radda r-r-radda radda rad rad radda ra!" Schnitzel finished.

Truffles and Mung's mouth hung wide open. Candy passed her eyes between her aunt, step-uncle Mung and Schnitzel, not knowing what they were thinking. And then, without looking back Schnitzel took the groceries and walked them to the fridge.

"Ummmm…" Candy held up a finger.

Then Truffles flew over to her and gave her a huge hug.

"Oh Candy! I'm so proud of you!" the hostess cried. "You were so brave and resourceful, distracting fellow shoppers to seal their spots in line! It's like looking in a mirror!"

Candy froze as Truffles wiped a tear from her eye.

"And how you stood up to Endive! Givin' that old sponge a good southern spankin'!" Mung beamed. "Man, if I could have seen the look on Endive's face!"

Candy couldn't help but give a goofy smile.

"Y'all can get all fluffy after we cook," Candy told her two relatives. "An' when the angry mob leaves the front door."

Truffles and Mung glanced at each other.

"What mob?" they asked in unison.

The southern cook made a frightful face.

"The one that's outside callin' out for my blood," Candy peeped.

"I'll take care of it!" Mung proclaimed with his chest puffed out.

And the executive chef grabbed a squirt bottle full of water, gave a battle cry and shot out the door. Truffles and Candy followed closely but just peeked out the door.

"Back! Back! Back you savages!" the head chef bark at the mob as he feverishly pulled the trigger on his squirt bottle.

The mob gave several angry growls as they were driven away by the squirt bottle-toting chef.

"Dolly Spartan forever!" called a random fan.

"SCRAM!" Mung fired back with several pumps of his squirt bottle.

Grumbling, mad fans dissipated leaving one very angry Endive.

"Mung Daal!" Ms. Endive remained. "You no-class caveman!"

"Endive," Mung hissed. "Get off my sidewalk! Take your nasty back to where you came from!"

Mung fired at her with his squirt bottle.

"You cock-eyed slug!" Endive yelled back, over getting squirted in the face with a squirt bottle.

"Last warning you soggy clabbage!" Mung shot back. "Get outta here or I'm gonna make ya!"

"Miss Endive's Tasteful Foods will not stand for this Mung Daal, mark my words!" Endive snarled. "I will not stand for this!"

"Consider your words ignored _Endive_!" Mung returned. "Now get outta here before I start throwing more than words at ya!"

Ms. Endive growled.

"This is not over with Mung Daal!" she threatened. "Not by a long shot!"

"That's it!" Mung declared. "I'm getting the Glumpburger cheese!"

And the chef took off into his kitchen to get his ammunitions. Endive took off faster than the wind itself.

Finally, the cooks and chef had time to focus on their impossible order.

"All right," Mung fired off. "Schnitzel you got banana cream filling, corn bread, sweet potato pie and the rest of the okra! Candy you got sauce, pound cake and finish off the spinach! Hop to it people! We have less than a twelve hours to prepare a barge-load of food! Get scrambling!"

Candy and Schnitzel flew all over the kitchen at the whim of Mung.

"Uncle Mung!" Candy immediately called out. "Where y'all keep your barbecue fixins?"

Mung was fighting off the flames of an over zealous oven.

"Third cabinet from the floor to your left!" the executive chef called out. "Use the stilts next to the fire-place! Like the wind Candy! Like the wind!"

The southern cook ran to the stilts.

"Schnitzel! Remember to use only the craziest bananas for the banana cream filling!" Mung turned his head to his soui chef.

Schnitzel was all ready in the fruit pantry, neck deep in a battle with their bananas. Only the craziest bananas made the creamiest banana cream filling. The crazy bananas would cause panic and crazy chaos whenever they got out, so only the mightiest of trainers with the steeliest of nerves could tame them… If you find said mightiest of trainers, let me know.

"Radda!" the soui chef called in reply, cracking his rhino-hide whip at the crazy bananas.

Mung was feeling good about this.

"Woo! We can pull this off!" the head chef called out to his cooks.

He glanced back long enough to see Candy scream bloody-murder as she fell off her stilts and into a vat of pickles and Schnitzel run around in a circle with a dozen crazy bananas stuck to his body. Mung sighed.

"With a whole lotta magic and more luck than a four-leaf clover forest, we _might_ be able to pull this off," the head chef mumbled to himself.

No one knew what time it was until the kitchen got dark for some reason. Mung looked up from prepping the sixth batch of okra. He found that the lightest part of his shop was the window that had the street light shining into it.

"Schnitzel!" the executive chef called out. "What'd ya do to the light!"

"Radda radda," Mung heard Schnitzel right behind him.

The head chef jumped out of his skin.

"Don't DO that!" Mung snapped at Schnitzel from atop one of the potted palms in the kitchen. "You know I can't handle slow creepy things in the shadows!"

Schnitzel walked over to a light switch and flipped it. Artificial light shot over the kitchen.

"Radda radda r-radda rad," the soui chef pointed out.

"Well, I suppose being married to Truffles is the equivalent of a slow creepy thing in the shadows," Mung shrugged as he slid down the palm. "Speaking of Truffles… where's Candy?"

The head chef and soui chef looked around the kitchen. Mung spotted the southern cook asleep on her feet.

"Aw, lookie there Schnitzel!" Mung cooed as he pointed to his step-niece. "Isn't Candy the cutest?"

Candy was stirring the pot of barbecue sauce, dead asleep. Mung and Schnitzel quietly walked up to her.

"See?" Mung whispered to Schnitzel. "Isn't she a cook after your own heart?"

"Uh… radda?" Schnitzel replied.

Mung swooned over Candy for a second.

"Shut down the kitchen and you've got three hours of sleep Schnitzel," Mung yawned.

"Radda radda ra?" the soui chef stopped Mung.

The executive chef looked over his shoulder.

"Oh, just put Candy in Chowder's room," Mung waved it off. "I'm sure Chowder won't mind, but Candy might not be able to wash off his smell. G'night Schnitzel!"

With that Mung was gone and Schnitzel was left to a dirty kitchen and one very asleep southern chef.

"Radda," he grumbled.

And then Schnitzel looked over at Candy. He wondered if he should be gentle waking her up… Schnitzel poked her ever so slightly on the arm. Candy's eyes flew open.

"HOLY GUACAMOLE!" she shrieked, swinging the ladle full of barbecue sauce and beaning Schnitzel in the stomach with it. "We need hot dogs in dat dere gumbo!"

Blinking, reality set in and Candy yawned. She noticed something at her feet.

"What are y'all doin' down there Schnowder?" Candy asked on her knees peering down at him. "Lose your contacts?"

Candy was gonna be the death of our favorite soui chef. Schnitzel looked up at the southern cook.

"Radda," he wheezed.

And he got to his feet. Candy's face paled when she saw the front of his apron.

"Holy chipotle-!" she gasped as seeing the red sauce all over Schnitzel's apron. "You're hurt! You got your vital juices all over your apron! Apply pressure!"

As Schnitzel glanced down at his sauce-covered apron, Candy then slammed her hand over his stomach.

"Hang on Schnowder hon'!" the southern cook was freaking out. "I took some CPR class when I was eight! I can save you! But don't y'all go knockin' on heaven's door! Don't go intothe light-!"

Schnitzel got tired of her screaming.

"RADDA!" he snapped, grabbing her hands in his and lifting her to his eye-level. "Radda radda radda ra!"

Candy still had the look of horror on her face. Schnitzel rolled his eyes and took a finger-full of sauce from his apron, sticking it in his mouth to show the high-strung southern cook it was only food. But his action made Candy freak more.

"Are y'all crazy nuts?!" she squirmed, kicking. "Y'all are hurt! I gotta get you to a hospital-!"

And she accidentally kicked the soui chef in the stomach. Schnitzel dropped Candy and went reeling. He fell on his back, on the floor. Through the stars circling his head, Schnitzel heard the southern chef gasp.

"Oh no!" Candy whispered rushing to his side. "Now you've got a bruise on top of the puncture wound! Don't y'all die on me Schnowder! _DON'T Y'ALL DIE_!"

If this keeps up, Schnitzel was gonna _be_ dead by the time Candy's visit was over. The soui chef sat up, blinking the stars from his mind and glared at Candy. The southern cook opened her mouth but before she could scream some more, Schnitzel put his hand over her mouth, got to his feet and sat her on the counter near the barbecue sauce pot.

"Radda," the soui chef hissed.

Schnitzel dunked his finger in the barbecue sauce and whipped it on a clean portion of his apron.

"Radda… radda… radda," Schnitzel said slowly before releasing Candy's mouth. "_Raddaraddaraddara_!"

Candy merely looked between his apron and the barbecue sauce. Then her face turned a whiter shade of pale before the girl's eyes rolled back into her head and she fell like a sack of potatoes. Schnitzel was just able to catch the southern cook before she hit the floor. He blinked between his sauce covered apron and Candy in his arms.

"Oh radda," Schnitzel groaned.

* * *

R&R. Rock on and LONG LIVE ROCK! Awwww yeah... 

AN: I like causing pain to poor Schnitzel and apparently so does Cartoon Network. Candy's violent clumsiness is based on pretty much my life-long battle with gravity... I haven't sent anyone to the hospital... that I know of, but there's been some close calls. Let's just say pointy, hot things and I do not get along.

PS: I figure Panini is a kitten for the fact that she has fangs and a cat-tail. Now, I'm not saying what my brain says is accurate, but she sure as heck doesn't look like a rabbit. Just look at Schnitzel... He's a gray brown, elephant-footed, sausage fingered, spire-shaped... uh... creature. Heck, he is what he is.


	6. Peanut Butter Chowder!

Chapter… uh six? …Anyone know? Whatever, I'm just happy there's another chappy for you Chowder hungry Fanfiction Land motherhopers!

Okay, first off, CJzilla will be taking her special brand of mayhem and destruction to Cancun Mexico! Woo! Vacation time! So _**NO**_ _Candy Pie_ for an entire week! Sorry, but internet access cost money down at the resort I'm stayin' at. C'mon, you guys have will-power!

As I blast down a defense aircraft, alls CJzilla has to roar is this: R&R motherhopers! Flame or fluff, you get the point.

* * *

To Schnitzel, carrying Candy up to Chowder's room was hard. Not for the fact that the southern cook was heavy, but that it was just _so_ awkward. There was a moment Schnitzel wished Candy'd wake up and start talking again, anything to cut through his thoughts.

The soui chef looked down at the unconscious girl in his arms. Despite nearly maiming, blinding and/or killing him, Schnitzel figured that Candy wasn't half-bad. She was clueless, messy and loud, but the southern cook was unique. Candy was actually kinda cute…

Getting to the kitchen top floor Schnitzel had Chowder's room in sight. The soui chef had to balance Candy in his arms while he opened the door. The southern cook moaned in her sleep and put her arms around Schnitzel's neck.

"Radda," the soui cook groaned as his windpipe was being crushed by Candy's bear hug.

Pushing on the door, Schnitzel heard various empty cans, candy wrappers and plates fall onto the floor. Taking a step inside, the soui chef found himself waist-deep in what was left of Chowder's snack attacks. Hitting the lights, Schnitzel walked Candy over to the kitten's bed. But one look at Chowder's bed he groaned in disgust. If he set Candy down now, she'd have crumbs, lollipops and assorted empty Thrice Cream containers stuck to her. Flinging Candy over his shoulder, the southern cook hanging on his neck like a tie, Schnitzel took hold of the sheet by two corners and gave it a shake.

A scowl of disgust came to Schnitzel's face as snack-attack debris rained from the sky. He was only thanking his lucky stars that he didn't have to clean up here. Schnitzel watched as one empty Thrice Cream container flew out an opened window. Seconds later the soui chef heard wheels screeching to a halt, the sound of metal twisting together as vehicles collided and a random scream or two.

"My head, neck, chest, elbow and spleen!" came a motorist's injury complaint.

Schnitzel just hoped that they didn't make a _BIG_ mess outside the shop. Putting up Chowder's bed, Schnitzel turned his attention to Candy. The southern chef was still hanging off of his neck. Schnitzel raised his finger to poke Candy awake, before he remembered what happened just minuets before.

"Ra…" the soui chef grumbled.

And he took Candy by the waist and tried to pull her off of him. No good. She stuck like bubble gum on a new sneaker. Schnitzel then put all his strength and pulled Candy off of his head, with a loud pop. Before the southern cook got anymore clingy, Schnitzel put her on the bed. Candy curled up into a ball and let out a cute little snore, showing that she'd drifted off into a well-deserved slumber. It was a precious moment and it made Schnitzel's mouth curl up into a grin. This southern cook was as endearing as her style of food.

Schnitzel then seized Chowder's pillow and gave Candy a heaping helping of feathery pay-back. The soui chef ran out the door before Candy could do anything. Closing the door softly as though she was asleep, Schnitzel let out a quiet malicious cackle.

_THAT_ was for the meat-mallet across the head, getting chased by an angry mob and fainting.

Humming to himself the soui chef walked back down to the kitchen.

Three hours later, at the crack of dawn Schnitzel came walking into the kitchen. The soui chef had only about an hour and a half of sleep last night, taking into consideration that he had to clean the kitchen before he crashed. Schnitzel walked in with a fog of sleep still over his head. Chef Mung and Truffles were all ready up and running around the kitchen.

"Good morning sunshine!" Mung said in a chipper voice as he quickly scrambled eggs for breakfast.

Maybe since both head chef and hostess were as old as dirt, they did mornings better than the average person. Schnitzel gave his signature frown and walked over to the pot of coffee.

"How'd you sleep Schnitzel dear?" Truffles hollered over her shoulder as she fried bacon.

Schnitzel poured himself a cup of coffee and leaned on the counter.

"Radda," he answered unexcitedly.

"Well THIS'LL PERK YOU UP!" Mung zipped over to him holding a batter-covered spoon. "In honor of our southern guest cook…."

Truffles did a drum roll with a fork and spoon.

"WE'RE MAKIN' A DOWN HOME FAVORITE-!" the head chef cheered, pausing for emphasis. "PEANUT BUTTER BANANA PANCAKES! Woo!"

Mung gave Schnitzel an excited look as he bounced up and down. The soui chef quirked a brow.

"Radda," Schnitzel trying to put on an energized grin.

Then all three of them heard a boom from upstairs in Chowder's room. Truffles passed a glance over her shoulder at her husband and Schnitzel.

"Candy's smelled the peanut butter," the hostess said without much concern.

As those words left Truffles' mouth, Candy raced down the stairs and into the kitchen. The southern cook's eyes darted around, hungrily combing the kitchen. Candy took a big whiff of the warm kitchen air.

"Well dip me in butter and call me "slick"!" Candy cheered. "PEANUT BUTTER!"

The southern cook zipped over to the pancake batter that Mung was working on. She dipped a finger into the bowl and instantly, her eyes grew wide with awesomeness.

"Peanut butter banana pancakes…" Candy peeped in wonder. "MAH FAVORITE!"

And the southern girl dipped her whole hand in the batter and started shoveling it into her mouth.

"Candy!" Mung slapped her wrist with a metal spatula. "That's disgusting!"

Candy hissed like a cat. Mung handed her a container of peanut butter.

"Sit!" he commanded pointing to the breakfast table.

Now that she was pacified with peanut butter Candy happily skipped to the table and sat. Schnitzel fought back a laugh as he walked across the room to the table. With his cup of coffee he sat across from Candy. The southern cook was totally enthralled with her peanut butter. For a moment, Schnitzel thought he was looking at Chowder. A cleaner, taller, peanut-butter loving, _female_ Chowder. Then Candy saw Schnitzel looking at her.

"Mornin' sugar!" she beamed, peanut butter smeared all over her mouth. "Good to see y'all recovered from last night!"

Mung just walked over to the table.

"What?" the head chef blinked. "What happened last night?"

Candy licked her fingers.

"Aw, me and Schnowder got into it last night," the southern cook answered innocently.

Schnitzel slapped his forehead but peeked up at Mung. The executive chef looked like someone dropped an electric eel into his pants as he starred wide-eyed at his soui chef.

"Radda radda radda ra!" Schnitzel quickly explained, holding up his hands.

"What do you mean you were _bleeding_?!" Mung nearly fell over.

"Radda radda RA!" the soui chef was trying to manage, but kept doing more damage.

"Sauce?!" Mung gasped. "You slathered sauce on yourself?!"

Schnitzel shook his head violently.

"Radda radda ra-ra-radda!" he stammered.

"_CPR_?!" the head chef gawked. "Candy _kicked_ you after giving you _CPR_?!"

"Radda radda!" Schnitzel whimpered.

Mung looked sick before giving Schnitzel a glare that cut right through the soui chef's forehead. The executive chef hissed at Schnitzel, pointing a finger into his face before walking off to get the rest of the breakfast fixings. Schnitzel sighed resting his head on the palm of his hand. _THAT_ was gonna come back and bite him. Then he saw a half-empty peanut butter jar hovering in front of him.

"Want some darlin'?" Candy offered him her peanut butter.

Schnitzel looked between the southern cook's peanut butter-covered face and hands. Making a face, the soui chef shook his head. Candy shrugged.

"Mo' for me then!" she got a finger-full of peanut butter and stuck it in her mouth.

No one should enjoy peanut butter that much. Candy licked her hand and fingers before glancing back at the soui chef.

"Sorry 'bout last night sugar," she licked her lips. "I don't handle blood very well. I faint just at the sight of the red stuff."

The southern cook then looked queasy. Candy scratched her head.

"You took me up to that dirty lil' room?" she asked.

Schnitzel gave a nod.

"Oh," she said.

Candy then grabbed a handful of peanut butter and hurled it at Schnitzel. The creamy peanuts beaned him on the face.

"HA!" Candy cheered, jumping on the table. "Now we're square."

Schnitzel fumed, his face getting so hot with anger, the peanut butter fried and flaked off his head. Candy flexed an eyebrow in puzzlement.

"C'mon," the southern cook smiled. "Y'all just need some jelly an' you'd be the cutest PB&J I ever did see!"

Candy ran her finger over Schnitzel's cheek and got some extra peanut butter. She giggled as she put her finger into her mouth.

With breakfast done the kitchen shifted into full swing as everyone finished up cooking the rest of the food.

"How are the sweet potatoes coming Schnitzel?" Mung called over his shoulder as he finished a batch of corn bread.

"Radda," Schnitzel answered.

"Candy, status?" Mung yelled to his step-niece.

"Spinach is cookin', sauce is done an' simmerin' away," Candy answered. "I'm workin' on the pound cake!"

"Good!" Mung glanced at the clock on the wall. "If we keep up the pace, we'll get this food shelled out by the lunch-time dead line! Keep it up!"

Candy gave a loud southern whoop.

"I'm lookin' forward to lunch!" she cheered.

Just then they heard the door swing open and the pitter patter of tiny kitten paws on the tiled floor.

"Chowder!" Truffles cheered from her hostess entry-seat. "Welcome back dear!"

"Hi Truffles!" came a little boy's voice, followed by a raspberry.

And then a light purple chubby kitten came racing into the kitchen with a brown cloud floating in after him.

"Chowder!" Mung cheered. "Great to have ya back kid!"

"Hi Mung! Hiya Schnitzel!" the kitten chimed, but he paused when his eyes came to Candy. "AAAHHH! Mung! Not another one! I leave for three days and you replace me!"

The kitten was balling as he fell to his knees. Candy's eyes went wide.

"Chowder! Chowder!" Mung yelled over the kitten's sobbing. "We didn't replace you! That's just Candy. She's here to help with this ginormous order we just got!"

Instantly the kitten stopped his shameless crying. The kid snapped his eyes back to Candy.

"HI!" he cheered. "I'm Chowder!"

Candy cooed at Chowder's cuteness.

"Aw, did you hurt yourself when y'all fell from heaven?" the southern cook beamed.

The kitten blinked at her.

"You talk funny," Chowder pointed out.

"That's 'cause I come from the south!" Candy replied. "Everyone talks funny down there!"

Chowder smiled at her. Just then a terrible, crippling smell hit Candy in the face, literally. The southern cook flinched and coughed, and then she heard a fart sound in her ear.

"Aw!" Candy wheezed, her eyes watering. "What is that nasty stank?"

Through the tears in her eyes, Candy saw that brown cloud hovering in front of her.

"That's Kimchi!" Chowder smiled. "He stinks worse when he likes you!"

Candy gave a weak smile.

"Chowder, Candy's gotta work," Mung saved the southern cook from passing out. "Put Kimchi away and grab a mop. We got a doosy of a mess by the stove!"

The southern cook coughed but heard Schnitzel laugh at her. Candy shot him a glare as Chowder and his pet cloud ran up to their room.

"Your breath stinks worse Schnowder!" Candy jeered at Schnitzel as he came walking up to her.

Schnitzel gave an entertained grin as he dipped his finger into the raw pound cake batter. He tasted it. Then he grabbed two lemons and a zester. But before he could put the zested lemon skin into Candy's batter, she stopped him.

"What are y'all doin'?" Candy asked like Schnitzel was trying to ruin her pound cake. "This is not a lemon pound cake!"

"Radda radda radda," Schnitzel explained.

"I don't care if the lemon'll bring out the cake's flavor," Candy folded her arms. "I never-…"

Then the southern cook looked up at Schnitzel, eyes wide.

"I understood you!" Candy exclaimed like she solved cold-fusion. "I understood what y'all just said Schnowder!"

The southern cook squealed happily, jumping in a circle.

"Radda radda," Schnitzel put his hand on Candy's head to stop her from bouncing too much.

"It is _too_ big!" Candy returned. "Now I don't have to guess what y'all's sayin!"

Schnitzel fought off a smile.

"Radda radda ra-radda," he pointed to the pound cake.

"All right, all right," Candy relented, but then hugged Schnitzel. "This is great! I can understand you Schnowder!"

The soui chef felt his face get warm.

"Radda rad," he sighed.

Just then Chowder came by slathering the floor with his mop.

"Ewww!" the kitten scrunched his nose. "Get a room!"

Candy jumped off of Schnitzel, her face beet-red. Schnitzel went chasing after Chowder.

"Radda! Radda radda!" the soui chef snarled, making Chowder scream.

Schnitzel chased Chowder around the kitchen.

* * *

R&R. See you guys in a week! Woo! Margarita Time! 


	7. An Egg Beater Dead Line

Greetings my fellow motherhopers! I'm back from Cancun! From the warm, humid beach-side to the cold, dry American winter... I'm lovin' it! Now, I know you all missed me, so I'm cranking out another chappy for you! In this chapter you will find that the dead line is fast approaching but that doesn't mean everything's SO rushed our favorite cooks don't have time for some flirting, threats and a flying Chowder!

As I head out to destroy another city, alls CJzilla roars is this: R&R MOTHERHOPERS! You know I don't care if you flame or fluff!

* * *

Everything was on schedule and running smoothly. Most of the baking good were in the ovens all ready. Candy, while watching a batch of her pound cake bake was talking with Chowder. The kitten was just twisting his mop near the southern cook, listening intently on what she was saying.

"An' that's where babies come from," Candy concluded leaning up on her pound cake peel.

Chowder stood there with his mouth wide open.

"So what you're saying is… _I_ was once a … pot roast…-" the kitten surmised, his eyes wide. "And when my mommy ate it, the pot roast hatched into me?"

Candy knelt down next to the kitten, placing a reassuring hand on Chowder's shoulder.

"That's right," the southern cook replied, face as straight as a board. "Now this knowledge is very top secret Chowder hon', that's why adults tell y'all to leave the room when they talk'bout it."

Chowder nodded, getting _TWO_ explanations for the price of one. Candy smiled at him.

"Now get outta here before Mung gets mad at ya!" the southern cook spun Chowder and gave him a friendly push to get him going.

Candy smiled ear to ear as she watched the kid walk away with a pensive look on his face and a mop in his hand.

"Sweet lil' thing," the southern cook chuckled to herself and turned back to the ovens.

She gasped when she saw Schnitzel standing right next to her.

"Y'all wanna give me a heart attack?!" Candy said angrily as she held her chest.

The southern cook opened one of the ovens and poked at a pound cake with her peel.

"It's a livin' wonder why Auntie Truffles and Uncle Mung are still alive with y'all sneakin' around the kitchen!" Candy huffed, shutting the oven door.

Schnitzel's lip curled into a small, small grin.

"Radda radda ra-ra," the soui chef pointed to an oven down from Candy's pound cake.

Candy looked back over at Schnitzel and stuck out her tongue.

"Check the sweet potato pies ya-self!" she gestured. "I'm watchin' my pound cake."

Schnitzel rolled his eyes. All Schnitzel wanted to do was get by her.

"Radda," he repeated.

Candy pursed her lips.

"Say "please"," the southern cook returned.

""Radda"," the soui chef replied unexcitedly.

"Say "please, darlin'"," she went on.

The soui chef pinched the brim of his nose, feeling a headache coming on.

""Radda ra"," Schnitzel followed, getting annoyed.

Schnitzel quirked a brow at the cook. Candy giggled, a mischievous smile coming to her face.

"Say "please, good lookin'"," Candy didn't even blink.

Schnitzel felt his face getting hot.

""Radda radda ra"," he strained and pointed to one of the ovens. "Radda radda rad?"

Candy giggled and sidestepped.

"Light'n up Schnowder," the southern cook told him as he passed.

Schnitzel was just about to roll his eyes when he felt Candy spank him across his rear. The soui chef jumped, doing a 360˚ spin. Schnitzel clapped his hands on his backside, starring with wide eyes at Candy like she'd just spanked him… oh, wait…

"Radda radda?!" Schnitzel barked.

Candy simply leaned on the counter, with a wily leer on her face.

"Just light'n up," the southern cook repeated innocently. "Y'all get any more serious Schnowder, an' y'all… I dunno, explode or somethin'!"

Schnitzel snorted, holding his eyes to hers for a long moment. Then the soui chef grumbled, turned on his heel and faced the oven with the sweet potato pie. Sticking his head into the oven to check on the baking desserts, he didn't feel the artificial heat since his face was all ready on fire from a flaming-hot flush.

But it wasn't until he knew Candy wasn't looking that Schnitzel let a grin go.

"All right gang!" Mung's voice rang out through the kitchen over the clanking dishware and roaring appliances. "We got fifteen more minuets! I repeat! The big 1… 5…! Fifteen!"

Schnitzel looked up from his oven, whipping his brow free of sweat. Candy glanced up from her mixer and Chowder stopped sweeping up a dish that had broken on the floor.

"Status report team!" the head chef called out.

Chowder saluted.

"I have dish pan-hands _SIR_!" the kitten puffed out his chest, standing at military attention as Mung walked by.

"Great!" the executive chef wasn't really paying attention to Chowder, but the kitten didn't even notice. "Schnitzel what's your report?"

The soui chef looked dead on his feet, sweating like a sun-bathing Sasquatch next to the ovens.

"Radda radda r-radda," Schnitzel answered glancing at the crowded oven.

Mung tossed a concerned eye at the sweet potato pie inside the oven.

"Give it four more minuets and drop the temperature Schnitzel," the head chef had a serious moment. "Candy! What have you got to say?"

Candy looked over her shoulder at her step-uncle, her pink swirled hair looking like a scoop of melting Thrice Cream.

"The pound cake glaze is workin' together right now Uncle Mung," the southern cook told him. "The cakes are done."

The head chef nodded in approval.

"How 'bout you honey?!" Mung called across the room to his wife.

Truffles was in the thick of battle with plastic wrap as she covered the all ready cooked dishes.

"I hate you! You know that?!" the hostess barked back at her husband.

"Love you too baby!" Mung wasn't listening as his wife shrink-wrapped herself. "Remember gang that the cooking _HAS_ to be done in fifteen minuets! So like your life depends on it!"

Then the executive chef paused for a moment.

"And just so you know…" Mung smiled sweetly before yanking out a egg beater and continuing in a menacing voice, "YOUR lives _DO_ depend on it! IF Y'ALL DON'T FINISH ON TIME, I'LL TURN THIS BABY ON AND TANGLE YOUR HAIR SO BAD, YOU'LL HAVE TO SHAVE YOUR HEAD!!!!!"

A fearful silence cut through the kitchen as Candy, Chowder and Schnitzel starred at the head chef. Mung glare at them all, double fisting on his egg breater.

"What are you looking at me for?" the executive chef snarled, his eyes narrowed. "COOK!"

The two cooks and apprentice zipped back to work under the ominous glare of the psycho head chef. Candy leaned over to Chowder who was feverishly sweeping the floor around her feet.

"Mung wouldn't...?" the southern chef asked discreetly.

Chowder looked up at her, swaying his broom back and forth.

"Before I became Mung Daal's apprentice," the kitten whispered, "there was another kid who worked for him. Schnitzel told me that one day the kid slacked off and left one dirty pan in the sink… No one ever saw him again. I think Mung held him down while Truffles tied him up-"

"CHOWDER!" Mung blasted from behind the kitten. "Get back to sweeping!!"

Candy and Chowder jumped. Chowder zealously began sweeping again.

"I'M SWEEPIN' MUNG! OH DEAR GRAPES, I'M SWEEPING!" the kitten ran around in a panic as he swept the floor.

Mung shot Candy a punishing glare before turning on the beater. The southern girl got back to her mixer. The executive chef hovered around the kitchen like a prison warden, bouncing his egg beater in his hand. For the remaining fifteen minuets, Mung was gonna get every last ounce of cooking out of his team.

…

"Five… Four… Three… Two… One… TIME!" Mung shouted as he counted down to the fifteen minuet mark. "Cooks, time's up! Drop yer spoons and step away from what you are doing!"

The two cooks stopped their cooking at Mung's word and Chowder even dropped his broom and held up his hands. The executive chef bounced over to Candy and Schnitzel.

"Radda radda radda?" Schnitzel panted, whipping his forehead.

Mung stopped, scratching his chin.

"Well, I am a fan of those food challenge shows," the head chef mused. "And as executive chef here at Mung Daal's catering service, I am entitled to set a time limit on my kitchen!"

Mung folded his arms defiantly.

"Radda ra?" Schnitzel cocked a brow.

"_YES_ I gotta count it down!" Mung returned. "And if you keep mouthing off to me, we're gonna do this every day!"

The soui chef rolled his eyes but Mung seemed to not notice anything.

"All right," the head chef looked over the finished dishes. "Everything looks finished! Good job everyone! The hard part is over! Woo!"

He threw his hands in the air.

"All that's left to do is pack it up, and we'll finish the rest at the conventions site!" the executive chef did a happy dance.

Schnitzel gave him a glare while Candy stood dead on her feet, starring off into nothingness.

"Ra-radda?" the soui chef almost scowled.

"Yeah, yeah take five," Mung swatted the air. "Take five everyone! …Even you Truffles!"

Truffles' screams were muffled because of the plastic wrap covering her mouth, head and pretty much everything else on her body beside her nose. Mung, Chowder and Schnitzel starred over at the shrink-wrapped Mushroom Pixie, like it was the norm.

"Radda," Schnitzel sighed and plodded over to a bench to sit.

Mung stepped over to Candy. The southern cook was asleep on her feet again. The executive chef raised a finger to poke her, but Mung too knew what happens to Candy when you scare her.

"Oh Chowder," Mung looked down at his apprentice with a nice smile. "Why don't you poke Candy and make sure she's still alive?"

"But you're right next to her! You've got your finger out and everything!" Chowder returned innocently.

Mung looked between Chowder and his finger.

"Uh… No it's not!" the head chef floundered for an answer, before shoving his finger up his nose. "See! My finger's busy and I cannot poke Candy."

Chowder made a face when he saw chef's finger fishing around in his nose.

"You got another hand! Use that one!" the kitten pointed out.

Mung took his other index finger and put it in his ear.

"Both of my hands are busy!" Mung exclaimed. "It's up to you to poke Candy."

"But-!" Chowder began.

But before he could say anything else, Mung stuffed one of his feet in his mouth and sat on his other foot. Now Chowder had no choice. Shrugging, the kitten walked up to Candy, raised his index finger and poked the southern cook on the arm.

From across the room and on a bench, Schnitzel was snapped out of the haze of sleep when he heard Candy shriek. Opening his eyes Schnitzel saw Candy smack Chowder and the kitten fly through the air right toward him.

"Radda," Schnitzel sighed as he saw Chowder's mouth open.

In a second, the soui chef's head was inside the kitten's bottomless mouth. Schnitzel pulled Chowder off of his head and set him down on the floor. A ripple of absolute disgust went over the soui chef's body as he whipped his face free of Chowder's saliva.

"OooooOOOoooH!" Schnitzel groaned, shaking off Chowder's saliva and picking off all-ready-been-chewed remnants of food.

Chowder smacked his lips, the taste of Schnitzel's head still in his mouth.

"You taste like peanut-butter, barbecue sauce, flour, grapefruit juice and slomatos," the kitten pointed out, licking his lips. "Not necessarily in that order."

"Radda radda rad-rad-ra-radda?!" the soui chef barked.

Chowder looked offended and set his hands on his hips.

"I do _SO_ brush my teeth!" the kitten returned, his head swiveling with attitude. "Maybe _YOU_ should shower once in a while!"

Candy then walked over to the two of them, rubbing her tired eyes.

"Sorry Chowder hon'," the southern cook yawned. "Is you a'right?"

The kitten was twisting a finger between one of his teeth and pulled out one of Schnitzel's hairs.

"Great!" Chowder declared angrily, hands in the air. "Now I got the taste of Schnitzel in my mouth! Gross! I'm gonna go lick a doorknob to get the nasty taste out of my mouth!"

Chowder walked off gagging. Candy looked over at Schnitzel with a smile.

"Radda radda," the soui chef pointed at the southern cook with narrowed eyes.

Candy merely grinned as she took a seat next to him.

"I don't mean to nearly kill y'all Schnowder," she said sweetly. "It just happens."

The southern cook looked over at the soui chef with big, glittering blue eyes. Schnitzel blinked at Candy before giving a tiny, tiny besotted grin. The southern cook beamed at him before she yawned. Candy put her head on Schnitzel's shoulder before closing her eyes. The soui chef went straight as a board before he started to sweat. But before long, the two cooks began drifting off into a well deserved visit to Candyland… But just for a moment.

"HEY!" Mung shouted, spraying the two cooks with his squirt bottle. "HOOLIGANS! NONE OF THAT IN THE KITCHEN!"

And Schnitzel and Candy were drenched with water.

* * *

I'm so sick of the no "Tab" setting these fanfiction layouts have. If I was a third-person reader, I wouldn't be able to tell where the paragraphs start and end! Sheesh! My monster frustration aside, please... R&R! 


	8. Mama Kin

This is CJzilla, bringing you Chapter numero 8 at lightning fast speed!

Fastest... update... _EVER_! Serious, I don't think it's been 24 hours since my last update... Well, when a muse hits, ya gotta find a paper and a pencil before you think about something more important, like I dunno, WORK! (CJzilla snickers) But it is like eight hundred words shorter than my last update...

In this chapter you will meet Candy's family, you will see Mung hiding out in the refrigerator and Schnitzel reeking his revenge! And let's not forget a surprise ending to this chappy! Mwuahahahahaha! Oh yeah, this chapter is pretty gross as in "Gross-Out" nasty. Seriously while I was writing this, I kept gagging and laughing at the same time. I hope y'all do the same!

As I climb to the top of the Empire State Building with some random hot guy within my grasp, alls CJzilla has to roar is this: R&R! Seriously, you guys should know that I don't care if you flame of fluff by now...

* * *

Well, since a nap was outta the question, Schnitzel and Candy walked around like the living dead, cleaning up the kitchen. Both were under the hawk-eye of Mung Daal, who was all too trigger happy with his squirt bottle. Everything was perfect for a nap. The kitchen was quiet, only the gently humming of the dishwasher filling the air. Our two favorite cooks were falling asleep on their feet when…

Suddenly the door of the building slammed open.

"I'm pretty sh'ure that this is the place," came a thick southern accent from the entry.

Candy dropped her mop and squealed.

"Mama? Is that you?!" the southern cook shouted.

Schnitzel caught Mung run and dive into the refrigerator, shutting the door firmly behind him. Just then he heard the fluttering of wings. A mass of a light blue patterned fabric moved through the kitchen doorway. Schnitzel couldn't believe his eyes. There was another Mushroom Pixie that looked like Truffles except for her short blond hair, massive size and tiny mushroom hat. Candy ran over to the woman and gave her a big hug.

"Mama Dumplin'!" the southern cook squealed.

The Mushroom Pixie wrapped her large arms around Candy, enveloping her.

"How's mah lil' Candy?!" she exclaimed.

"Just as sweet as ever mama!" Candy strained under the woman's bear hug. "Where's the rest of my kin mama?"

The massive Mushroom Pixie let Candy go.

"Oh eat my cherry! I forgot!" the woman sidestepped, revealing more people. "I brought Shrimp and Pecan!"

Candy smiled wide.

"Bro! Sis!" the southern cook cheered and ran into their arms.

Shrimp was a tall boy with a burly build, blond hair and beady grey eyes. Pecan was definitely Candy's sister. Pecan was thin with wide, happy brown eyes, beauteous hazel hair that was tapered with perfect curls… she did look a little nutty.

"Hey Candy!" Pecan cheered, her high-pitched southern voice grating on the ears. "How y'all been? An' _where_ y'all been?"

Candy giggled.

"Pecan, I've only been away from y'all since yesterday mornin'!" the southern cook chimed.

The hazel-haired southern girl blinked at her sister.

"Serious? Dang, where've I been?" Pecan gave Candy a blank look.

Then Shrimp opened his tiny mouth, but all that could be heard to the untrained ears was a mush of southern accented words. Candy gave a loud southern laugh.

"Well said Shrimp!" the southern cook slapped her knee.

Mama Dumplin' suddenly had a fan in her hand and was fanning her face.

"Candy darlin'," the massive Mushroom Pixie said. "Where's that crazy Truffles sister o' mine?"

"I'm over here Dumplin'!" came Truffles' voice from a far side of the room.

They all turned to see Truffles untangling herself from the plastic wrap. Mama Dumplin' smiled wide.

"Truffles!" the southern woman exclaimed, fluttering over to Truffles.

Dumplin' scooped Truffles into a gigantic southern hug.

"Girl, it's been a long time!" Dumplin' released her sister. "How y'all been?!"

Truffles smiled at her sister, her big green eyes beaming with happiness.

"I'm fine, just fine Dumplin'!" Truffles returned.

"Well, I see y'all are still unnaturally skinny!" Dumplin' voiced loudly. "I see y'all's dead beat husband is _still_ not feedin' y'all properly!"

The burly woman set her large hands on her larger hips.

"_Where_ is that spineless excuse for a man y'all call a husband?" Dumplin' whipped her eyes around the kitchen.

Her eyes came to Schnitzel, who was standing silently watching the southern show. Dumplin' raised her eyebrows before giving Truffles a nudge.

"HA!" Dumplin' laughed, gesturing toward the soui chef. "Y'all finally took my advice an' dropped that 'gator-skinned old prune Mung an' got yaself a _REAL_ man!"

Schnitzel clapped his hand on his mouth, feeling his breakfast coming up while Truffles blushed. Candy was doubled over laughing.

"No, no Dumplin'," Truffles cleared her throat. "That's just Schnitzel, he works here in the kitchen. I don't know where Mungy is…"

Seeing his opportunity for revenge clearly, Schnitzel smiled a wicked smile and walked to the refrigerator. Giving the fridge's door a tug, Schnitzel knew just exactly where his boss was hiding. Getting out a big pot, Schnitzel turned it upside-down and Mung fell out of the cookware.

"Oh!" the soui chef acted like he was surprised that he "found" Mung in the fridge. "Radda _ra_!"

Mung, shivering from his refrigerator hiding place gave Schnitzel a furious glare. The soui chef returned the executive chef's nasty glare with a coy smile.

"Radda radda," Schnitzel smiled sweetly, like he was innocent.

"_Onions and mushrooms_!" Mung blasted at his soui chef, bouncing to his feet and pointing his finger threateningly at him. "You _KNEW_ exactly where I was! You are as guilty as a fat cat in a canary cadge!"

Schnitzel's smiled widened. _THAT_ was for all the times Mung had embarrassed him, for introducing him as "Schnowder" to Candy _AND_ more importantly… interrupting him and Candy on the bench… With that evil smile still on his face, Schnitzel pointed over Mung's shoulder to the waiting guests. The head chef whirled around and got one of the harshest glares he ever received.

"H-Hi everyone! How are-?" Mung began nervously, seeming to melt under Dumplin's satanic glare.

"I hear the _morgue_ is colder than that there fridge _Mung_," Dumplin' cut her step-brother off. "Maybe y'all should try DROPPIN' DEAD! Or better yet, I'll send y'all there mahself!"

Mung gave a frightened yelp and dove behind Schnitzel.

"Thanks Dumplin', but I'll take my chances with the living," the head chef peeped from behind his soui chef.

Just then Chowder came walking in with a sucker in his mouth. The kitten walked up to Schnitzel and took the lolly from his mouth.

"Hey Schnitzel! Look!" Chowder beamed pointing at his sucker. "I got the taste of your head out of my mouth with a "Jock Strap" flavored lollypop!"

A thickly awkward silence cut through the kitchen and everyone in the room blinked at the kitten. Schnitzel narrowed his eyes in disgust.

"Radda radda?" the soui chef asked, pointing at Chowder's lolly.

"Oh," Chowder smiled. "I got it outside in the dumpster next to a used adult diaper!"

Schnitzel's face puckered up as he made a mad-dash to the nearest restroom. Chowder watched the soui chef race off toward the kitchen's bathroom. Taking the lolly from his mouth, Chowder smiled.

"It's about time Schnitzel takes a poo," Chowder turned around to Mung. "Here's hoping he's less grumpy and his pants fit better!"

Mung slapped his forehead. _Like_ Schnitzel was wearing pants.

"Throw that disgusting thing away Chowder," the executive chef told his apprentice, his hand clapped over his brow. "A good chef does not taint his tasting palate with garbage!"

Chowder blinked at the head chef.

"Is that why we don't eat any of Endive's food?" the kitten questioned.

Mung smiled at his apprentice.

"Exactly," he returned with a wide smile.

Then Chowder jumped when he heard a chorus of loud squeals. Spinning on his tiny kitten feet, Chowder's eyes widened at the two women starring at him.

"Aren't y'all sweeter than honey-suckle!" a green-brown-haired southern girl cooed at him before pinching his cheek with the biting force of a snapping turtle.

"Wrap 'im up! I'll take two!" a large woman towered over the purple kitten as she bent down to him.

Being just a little kid, Chowder could only handle odd-looking strangers cooing over him for so long. The kitten screamed like a little girl.

"I need an adult!" he shrieked as he darted behind Mung.

At Mung being the center of Dumplin's attention, the southern woman narrowed her blue eyes at him. The executive chef shook in his cushioned shoes, fearing for his life. At any second, the southern woman could lash out and eat his soul!

"_I_ need an adult!" Mung cried out and raced to Truffles, Chowder hanging off of his neck.

Dumplin's eyes followed the chef across the room.

"Since the lil' cowerin' frog _Mung_ is too busy cowerin' like a frog," the southern woman rolled her eyes. "I'll ask y'all Truffles… The food for the Watchers of Weight jamboree-"

"The food's all done Dumplin'!" Mung called out from behind Truffles. "I'VE BEEN GOOD!"

Though the southern woman got pleasure in seeing her much hated brother-in-law cowering in fear, Dumplin' got an uneasy look on her face.

"As I was sayin'…" the southern woman continued. "Y'all didn't cook all the food yet?"

The kitchen staff plus Candy looked at each other.

"Mama, Uncle Mung just said that," Candy stepped over to her mother, "we finished all the food. Is there somthin' wrong?"

The look on Dumplin's face gave away the answer.

"Yeah there is baby," Dumplin' told her daughter. "The convention's been canceled."

Horror came to Candy's face.

* * *

You know... my family once had a chair that looked exactly like the Cinnimini monster. I mean EXACTLY! Same color, same melty-face, same size! Creepy. I think Hollywood writers are watching my family...

CJzilla's personal note: If ANYONE is offended about how I portray Candy's family, I apologize. BUT y'all should have a sense of humor about these things. Part of my family is from the south and I can laugh about it! (CJzilla sticks out tongue)


	9. Southern Comfort

This will be the last chapter to "Candy Pie". Sad? Don't be. I'm currently working on another "Chowder" fiction. Enjoy this last installment.

As I floss my teeth with electrical power lines, alls CJzilla has to roar is this: R&R MOTHERHOPERS! Flame and/or Fluff me!

* * *

"_WHAT_?!?" Mung jumped out from behind Truffles and stomped up to his sister-in-law. "YOU MEAN TO TELL ME WE COOKED ALL THIS FOOD FOR _NOTHIN'_?"

Dumplin's head drew back in surprise before she growled like an angry pit bull at her brother-in-law. Surprising everyone, probably including himself, Mung growled right back.

"We wasted time, money and energy preparing food for that convention!" the executive chef snarled, eyes narrowed in a furious squint. "Not to mention that we busted out _butts_ putting all we had into these dishes!"

Dumplin' and Mung had a laser-beam stare-down.

"Mama," Candy quietly spoke up from beside her mother. "Is that really true?"

The southern woman broke her intimidating stare-down with her brother-in-law and looked sympathetically at her daughter.

"I'm afraid so Candy," Dumplin' replied.

The southern cook's bottom lip started to quiver. But Truffles came floating up to them.

"Impossible!" the Mushroom Pixie stated, her big eyes narrowed. "The Watchers of Weight convention is one of the most anticipated get-togethers of the year. It can't be canceled."

"Believe it or not Truffles," Dumplin' told her sister. "An' y'all will never believe _why_ the convention was canceled!"

Mung folded his arms.

"Let me guess," the executive chef snorted. "Cannibalism."

Dumplin' whirled around and that's when Chowder jumped off of Mung. Being in a sack full of ham at the zoo would be a safer place.

"Y'all better put a sock in that horse mouth of yours or I'll smack ya into next week!" the southern woman snarled, holding out a fist.

"Or did your sparkling snapping turtle personality scare everyone away _Dumplin'_?" Mung now had the nerve to laugh at death.

Truffles saw her sister's fist draw back as she was about to smash her husband's head in.

"Take it easy Dumplin'," the smaller Mushroom Pixie caught her sister's fist. "Mungy's _mine_ to kill. Now why was the convention canceled?"

Dumplin' narrowed her eyes at her brother-in-law as he stuck his tongue out at her with the "loser" sign on his forehead.

"Some high-and-mighty soul figured to take a close look at the Watchers of Weight's contract on the Marzipan Stadium," Dumplin' continued and crossed her arms. "By havin' y'all's lil' ol' caterin' company supply the food, we violated the contract with the stadium. We've been kicked out like an ol' cat who can't hunt mice."

Everyone was in a stupor… besides Mung's mouth.

"That's the _STUPIDEST_ thing I have _ever_ heard!" Mung pushed Truffles out of his way and locked eyes with Dumplin'. "A convention about _food_… and you forgot to write _that_ down in the contract?! You take a stupid pill or something _Dumplin'_?!?!"

"Y'all's gonna better get a _pain_ pill for the beatin' I about to give y'all," Dumplin' threatened.

"I'd like to see you-" Mung hissed through clinched teeth before Truffles grabbed her husband.

"MUNG! Corner. Now!" Truffles pointed to a chair in a corner of the kitchen.

Grumbling to himself, the head chef relented and sat in his chair. Just then Schnitzel came walking back into the room. His eyes came to Candy first, who was starting to cry.

"Schnitzel!" Chowder came running up to the soui chef.

Grabbing a pan, Schnitzel held it between him and the "Jock Strap" flavored-lolly mouth kitten.

"The convention's been canceled!" Chowder pointed at the southern people in the room.

The soui chef's eyes followed Candy who swallowed her tears and walked to Dumplin'.

"But mama," the southern cook voiced. "We came all that way fo' the get-togetha… This is just plain horrible!"

Mama Dumplin' nodded and crossed her arms.

"I know Candy sweetie," the Mushroom Pixie said. "An' now we gots ourselves a stadium-full o' people that have no where to go."

All in the kitchen sighed, now a black cloud hanging over the catering company. Chowder who had the clearest head of anyone because he was still happily licking on his "specialty flavored" lollipop, glanced over everyone in the room.

"Why don't we just find some other place that can hold a stadium-full of hungry people?" he asked, smacking his lips.

"But where can we find a place like that?" Mung said from his corner. "It's gotta be huge enough for all those people and food."

Chowder was still whittling away at his candy, the kitten shrugged.

"What about the park?" Chowder asked, like it was no big deal. "It's huge, it's got plenty of tables for all the food and it doesn't have a ceiling. That way all the nasty convention smell swill float away with the breeze."

The sound of seven idea light-bulbs went through the air.

"Brilliant!" Mung jumped up from his chair in the corner. "Chowder! You're a genius! We'll hold the Watchers of Weight convention at the Marzipan City Park!"

Chowder beamed.

"I have those genius moments once in a while," the kitten stated before tossing his lolly over his shoulder and it hit Schnitzel in the head.

Without hesitating Schnitzel ripped the nasty candy sucker off of his head, taking a wad of his hair with it.

"TO THE PARK!" Mung declared.

Cut to the Marzipan City Park. Southern Dixie Land music poured into the air by a live band and different awesome smells of food filled the air. Mung Daal's Catering Company had rolled out its finest barbecue on the park's lunch tables. And hundreds of people were there to eat. A big crowd like that attracts big attention.

"NO!" Ms. Endive cried to the heavens. "This is not supposed to happen! The convention was canceled!"

Mung's high-strung competition fell to her knees, her apprentice Panini standing close by.

"Mung's food was not meant to see the light of day!" Endive snarled. "I saw to it that this convention was canceled!"

At her crazed words, she attracted the attention of Truffles and a crowd of angry convention members.

"YOU canceled the Watchers of Weight convention?!" the Mushroom Pixie snarled, pointing at Endive.

"Oh sure she did!" Panini cheered innocently. "When Mung insulted her, she had a complex and shut down you corn dog-munchin' redneck fools!"

THAT got the full wrath of the Watchers of Weight conventioneers. At Truffles' lead everyone broke out into an angry mob, complete with pitch forks and torches. In something that resembled a mob mentioned in the middle of this story chasing after her, Ms. Endive took to her heels, Panini under her arm.

At watching their food being wolfed down with contented "mmms", the Mung Daal team beamed.

"This is the best Watchers of Weight convention EVER!" some random person shouted, barbecue bib over his shirt and ribs in either of his hands.

Mung smiled and turned to his team of Schnitzel, Chowder and Candy.

"Today, Mung Daal's Catering Company pulled off the impossible!" the head chef began. "We have made hundreds of barbecue loving dieters happy. Remember this moment, for there are few like it."

Because they had to humor Mung, Chowder, Candy and Schnitzel stood there motionless but glanced at each other.

"This is just great!" Pecan's perky voice cut through the silence. "Y'all did an awesome job!"

Candy laughed at her sister's appearance. Her mouth was covered in food.

"Save some for the convention members Pecan," the southern cook told her sister.

Pecan laughed.

"No way!" she cheered. "Y'all hit a home run!"

And Pecan went back for thirds. Then Dumplin' walked over to her step-brother-in-law.

"Well, y'all pulled it off," the southern mama stated, the words leaving her mouth like acid. "It's good for a second rate barbecue cooker, an' I will try to choke it down."

Mung smirked at his step-sister-in-law.

"Oh come off it Dumplin'," he crossed his arms. "I delivered. Admit it."

"Over y'all dead carcass you ancient gator-skinned shoe," Dumplin' retorted and fluttered away.

"As good as answer as I'll ever get!" Mung puffed out his chest. "Woo! And it's all thanks to an awesome team."

Even the stoic Schnitzel cracked a smile at the chef's compliment. Mung then turned to Candy.

"Candy sweetie, you did such a good job, I'd like to offer you a part-time job at the Mung Daal Catering Company," the head chef asked.

Candy gave a loud southern squeal before she gave her step-uncle-in-law a bear hug.

"I'd be tickled to!" the southern cook cheered.

Mung's eyes popped out of his head.

"Fine, fine!" he wheezed. "First order as executive barbecue expert, don't kill your boss!"

Candy released her Uncle Mung.

"Aw Uncle Mung!" the southern cook beamed. "Thank y'all! Y'all is sweeter than honey suckle!"

Chowder lost his attention.

"Mung…! Can I eat now?" the kitten whined.

The head chef nodded.

"Let's enjoy the fruits of our labor!" Mung cheered.

"What in the heck does that mean?" Chowder asked.

"It means… LAST ONE TO STUFF THEIR FACE IS A ROTTEN EGG!" Mung pushed Chowder down and ran toward the buffet.

Chowder sprinted after the executive chef. Candy and Schnitzel were left alone. The southern cook gave the soui chef a grin.

"Looks like you and I will be seein' each other more often!" Candy beamed.

Schnitzel did a good job of hiding his glee. He stretched out his hand.

"Radda radda ra," the soui chef welcomed her to the Mung Daal's Catering Company team.

Candy took his hand with a big smile.

"I'd love to dance!" the southern cook suddenly cheered.

Schnitzel didn't have time to fight back before he was yanked into the make-shift dance-floor, which was a patch of clear grass. The southern cook and soui chef danced as Mung and Chowder stuffed their faces, Truffles chased Ms. Endive and the southern party carried on into the afternoon.

And we leave our favorite catering team with the sound of Lynyrd Skynyrd's "Sweet Home Alabama" resounding throughout Marzipan City.

* * *

And for those astute people out there the Watchers of Weight is a spin off of a popular weight loss program. It's been a scream and I'm glad you motherhopers liked it. R&R. LONG LIVE ROCK! 


End file.
